Beer Troubleshooting
Symptom The floor looks blurred
Fault You’re looking through an empty glass
Action Get someone to buy you another pint
Symptom You’re drinking lager and it’s warm
Fault You’re drinking too slowly
Action Drink faster
Symptom You don’t recognise anyone
Fault You’re at the wrong party
Action Find out if there’s free beer
Symptom Your singing sounds off key
Fault You’ve not had enough beer
Action Have more beer until it sounds better
Symptom Everyone is looking up to you
Fault You’re dancing on the table
Action Find someone with a little extra padding to cushion your fall
Symptom Every girl in the room looks like a Page 3 model
Fault You’ve got your beer goggles on
Action Remove immediately
Symptom The floor is moving
Fault You’re being carried out
Action Find out where to
Symptom The beer is crystal clear
Fault It’s water, your mate is trying to sober you up
Action Punch him
Symptom You’re vomiting
Fault You’ve had a dodgy pint
Action Try another just to check out this theory
Symptom The room’s gone dark
Fault The bar has closed
Action Find another one that’s open
